The 21 Day Rhythm Reset

Day 19: The 3C's

Listen here (speed it to 1.5x if you're like me!)... or read below!

One of the reasons I think parenting, teaching, etc is so hard is because we think of learning as something that happens only when another person teaches. And that puts everything on that particular person. A lot of us take it personally when our child isn't ahead on milestones like we're somehow failing at teaching them.

I also see this mentality in my fellow play-focused Instagram gurus touting that "you shouldn't be hard on yourself if your baby can't play, it's a skill they must learn. You have to teach them. And you need my 175 activities guide to make it happen."

But I have a hard time reconciling that with the fact that for tens of thousands of years, humans have learned through their own self-directed exploration and play.

In fact, all intelligent mammals play in their their period of "childhood." And no one teaches them how.

So how does it happen?

Your baby's independent play is something that naturally appears when the conditions of their environment are aligned with how our brains and bodies evolved. And the capacity disappears when the conditions are at odds with the evolved needs of our brains and bodies. A cactus isn't going to flourish in the rainforest, ya know?

When I was a teacher I became obsessed with understanding what would unlock this innate capability for my students to direct their own learning because I was convinced the way we structured school was to blame for why they were so disengaged.

While taking some time off from the classroom, I came across research on something called Self-Determination Theory, which states that sure... we can externally motivate people to action through rewards and punishments, but if we want to unlock their internal motivation, a far more powerful driver for unleashing potential, its not about what we do to them, but the conditions we create around them. And when I changed the conditions of my classroom and teaching- my student's capacity to direct their own learning burst onto the scene.

So what are these conditions and how do they show up in baby-led play? They are 3 psychological needs all humans have that I call the 3C's:

1. Connection: I have people who care about me and I am safe. This is your undistracted connection time before baby plays.

2. Choice: I can make decisions that impact my life. This is your baby getting to direct their own attention without you choosing or interrupting their activity.

3. Competence: I can try new things and get better with practice. This is your baby getting to try and repeat whatever skills they are internally driven to master because you are not doing all the deciding.

When these three needs are met... barring outside circumstances like hunger, teething, etc- your baby's natural drive to learn through play will boldly emerge.

Why I am so passionate about Baby-Led Play is because these psychological needs are universal for all humans. They are the same conditions that bring out our adult intrinsic motivation to learn, create and be goal-oriented. Because play IS learning, creating and pursuing your own goals.

When you can create a foundation in your baby's first year that is built upon meeting these needs-- you are setting an incredible foundation for your relationship and your child's learning for the rest of their life. And it's so much more sustainable than you doing all the things.

I built the Baby-Led P.L.A.Y. Framework to help you seamlessly weave meeting the 3C's into your daily rhythm with your baby. And I'm teaching all the details of how to launch this rhythm in the 3 Days to Baby-Led Play Challenge coming up on February 16th and I hope you'll join me!

Especially because we are at the end of our time together for this reset! Tomorrow, your reflection for days 20 and 21 will appear on the main reset page. Take time to see and celebrate what has shifted for you during this challenge, and please dm or email me with your key takeways! I truly appreciate hearing how this content supports other parents. It's why I do what I do. We're in this together.